Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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