i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
