yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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