I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
