When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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