So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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