As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You took a bar mat shot.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
