note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
cat food counts as protein by the way
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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