Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
