We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
