I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
