There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
