he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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