I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
