That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
