Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
