please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
