i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
