He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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