JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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