I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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