You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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