It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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