wat bout pragnant strippers??
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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