i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
