Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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