I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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