I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
