You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
