How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
