Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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