Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
