"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
