My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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