aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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