In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
