Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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