I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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