Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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