How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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