I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
