ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
