I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
