She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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