Nicole vs. Life
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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