Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
