i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
