Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
