He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
