I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
