I am in a vortex of obligation.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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