My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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