Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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