I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
